This is not only my first blog, but my first blog post. This blog will be random postings of all that my mind experiences and endures as I continue through my journey of life and I believe that a little about the person that this “one mind” is attached to is important in order to understand the detours and to appreciate where they take me.
I am a lot of things, some of which I am very good at and others, not so much, at all. First and foremost, I am human. From there, the list goes like this:
I am a woman and every woman is beautiful in her own way, including ME!
I am a mother. Ok, so for many years, I failed at that miserably, but, though my children are not with me at this time (my oldest, Jeremiah, 19, is going into Job Corps and my youngest, Zachariah James, 14, is living with his sister in Washington), I am improving, slowly, over time. I have a long ways to go.
I am a loyal friend. If you are my friend now, or you become my friend, you forever will be, until the day I (or you) die. I take my friendships very seriously, and all the women I consider to be the best of the best are on my list of friends on Facebook.
I am a lesbian. Some people do not like labels, but for me it is as normal as being hungry or being happy.
I am a recovering addict (8/10/2005). Getting clean has been, by far, one of the best things that has happened to me in my lifetime. However, having spent seven years in active addiction, which is what led me to recovery, has also played a crucial part in my life’s journey. And as awful and damaging, to myself and others, as that was, I am just as grateful for those experiences, as they are a big part of my having developed into the person I am today.
I am a student. I am first a student of life, as there is always something to learn from which I will grow and gain strength, and secondly, I am a full-time student at Penn State University, a Psychology Major, with an emphasis on sexuality and gender studies. There are too many people, and so many more than the one’s we hear about in the news, who are turning to drugs, prostitution, or suicide because they either cannot accept in themselves, or are being rejected and ostracized, due to their gender or sexual identity. My personal goal is to become someone they can come to, so I can help them discover positive solutions. I will need to be especially familiar with social and cognitive psychology, and am fortunate enough to have my own life experiences that enhance my understanding, acceptance, and empathy, all of which I believe are imperative to have when helping others reach the same level of self-worth, self acceptance, and self-love that I am achieving more and more every day.
I am an artist. My definition of art is expression. I express myself in many ways, but mostly in acrylic on canvas or in writing.
I am a writer. Though it has been mentioned as one of my artistic expressions, I feel it warrants a little more elaboration. I am a daily journal writer, whether I write one or thirty pages. I have written several short stories and begun many others. I also have a file on my computer with hundreds of entries that I hope to someday turn into a fictional novel. And since starting my junior year at Penn State University, I have been putting a lot of serious thought into potential dissertation ideas and have another file with various lines of research to keep the thoughts flowing. And finally, I have received extraordinary comments on papers I have written for many of my classes over the past few years; classes such as English Composition, Psychology, Philosophy, and Business, to name a few. The response to one such assignment that is my favorite so far was from my Psychology professor at Portland Community College saying that I write on a scholarly level that most of the students in his university classes have yet to accomplish. I fall well within the normal range, in that I am my own worst critic.
I am an avid reader. I love to read and in my childhood, reading very often was a coping mechanism for me and saved me from fully comprehending several things, that as a child, very well may have destroyed me. I was able to find safety, comfort, friends and family, happiness and excitement, and a wealth of knowledge in the characters and their stories in books. This survival technique, which is really a big part of what reading became to me, carried over into adulthood and kept me alive (not alive in the sense of saving me from the danger I was often in, but alive in the sense that it gave me a desire to survive and the hope I needed to actually do so) during a very bad marriage to an alcoholic and abusive man. I do not read as much right now as I desperately want to, but that is because I spend most of my time reading assigned texts for my classes. I do, however, have a list of over 200 books that I want to read, recorded neatly for me on the Goodread site.
I am intelligent, but naïve. I am simple in some ways and very complicated in others. I am a smart ass and a goof ball. I make the best of what I have and choose to be happy, because to be anything else is just a waste of precious moments and treasured memories. I am not perfect and I am ok with that. I can be vain, selfish, and lazy, but I am not shallow, judgmental, or hard to get along with. I am an Aquarius and I love Italian food.
As you can see, there is a lot to being me, and it is my hope that anyone who reads my blog may find in some way, something of my life that they can relate to.