Just Me, #10

Hello One and All,

As you may have noticed, I have not posted in quite some time. School being the main reason, with depression being a very close second. I turned in my last and final paper for the semester on Friday, so I am finished with school until the start of the fall semester on August 27th. I am still levitating above the darkest depths of my depression and am hoping that getting back to my blog will help me to rise further above that. So, I am back!

For those of you who follow my blog, and read my posts, you may have noticed that my “Just Me” posts are where you can learn a lot about me on a personal level. This one will be no different. You will, of course, get the usual school update, kid update, and as of recently, the job hunt update. But this time, a little more… Keep reading. You’ll know it when you come to it.

I have missed writing, reading and responding to comments, reading your latest blog entries, and, well, I have missed a lot of you overall! I hope you have not given up on me. Once I post this, I will respond to all the comments that are still awaiting my attention. I do still have 3 or 4 awards left to post. I want to say that because of the amount of time that has gone by, I will take a pass, but instead, I will just say they will be awhile in coming. I do have a couple of different acknowledgement posts I want to write first, among other things.

I don’t want to say too much about my kids right now, but I do miss them terribly. Jeremy will be entering Job Corps any day now and I have been and still am hoping to have Zachary come to visit me sometime around his birthday, May 28th. However, in order for that to happen, I need to get a job first. I have come close, but nothing yet. More on that in a bit.

Penn State University—I love it, but it is both challenging and time-consuming, which are not bad things, but does make it difficult to strike a balance with other important things in my life; reading, writing, friends, and family, not in that order, but you get the idea. I worked hard this semester and do hope that it will pay off when the grades are posted. Add a little luck and a little prayer and I may have done better this semester than last. We’ll see. I will keep you posted.

I have applied at quite a few jobs, but then got really busy with school and have not applied recently. My intention is to begin focusing solely on job hunting beginning tomorrow. Of the ones I applied to, I did get called in for an interview with Wal-Mart. I had two interviews, then was called in for a job offer. I was offered, and accepted, a position in the deli, which had a starting pay of $8.80/hr, but because I had experience I was offered $9.20/hr. Next came the drug test and the background check. I, of course, passed the drug test, and I put down, honestly, what they would find in the background check. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have a criminal background. It is part of the damage caused by my drug use prior to getting clean.

There were two spots on the form for Wal-Mart, so I listed the most recent of three, and in spite of what I wrote down, they ran the check anyway. I figured that since they knew what they would see, they were only verifying what I had disclosed, and why would they do that if what I had listed would have kept me from the job, yes? I signed the form on a Tuesday, and the following Friday, when I hadn’t heard back, I called. I was told that for some reason my background check had not come back yet and that when it did, I would be called in for orientation. That was nine days ago and I have not received the call. I would have thought they would at least have sent me a letter or given me a call if there was a problem, but no. This does not mean that it is over, but I am not holding my breath. It is time to move on and keep applying elsewhere and hope for the best.

As for my criminal history, here it is. The most recent was in 2003, a misdemeanor assault charge that occurred from hitting my oldest son, Jeremy, when he was 10 years old. I was coming down, he was making noise, and believe me, it is one of the most horrific memories I carry with me daily. This is when my boys were taken from me and what led to me finally getting clean in 2005. I have one felony for drug possession in 2000. And the first, in 1999, a misdemeanor theft charge when I stole some earrings from JC Penney with the intention of using them to get more drugs. Really, I should be writing this is my Reflections of a Recovering Addict, but it is coming out here instead. Too much information? Maybe, but as I have always said, I have nothing to hide and by exposing this information, where I am and how far I have come is that much more noteworthy. Drugs can destroy your life in many ways. Drugs are death and recovery is life. It is just that simple.

As I write this, I have not been to my blog in quite some time, so I am going to wrap this up and logon. But first, one last little thing. For each of my Just Me posts, the pictures I choose to accompany them tell something about me also. For example, I love the beach and daisies are my favorite flower. Yellow is my favorite color and I enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles. Candles and clocks are two things I like to collect, and of course, I am proud of the school I go to and the achievements I have been honored with. Can you guess the significance of today’s picture?

Please keep me on your radar. There will be more to come.

-Cindy

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19 responses to “Just Me, #10

  1. Hi Cindy, Glad to see you back,, and as to your post, sometimes we need to hit the bottom before we start the climb… You have not only climbed my friend.. You have Soared! Keep Flying ~Love and Hugs to you. Sue xx

  2. I have missed you and wondered if all was well. I am glad to see you back.
    You are a brave and courageous woman and I applaud you for being so open and honest… I know that it is a healing process as well as acceptance of the past.
    ♥ Much love to you.

    • Hi! Hi! Hi! Thank you! Things have not been great, but are getting better. I have thought of you often and hoped you too were doing well. Last I was on, you were in the beginning stages of adjusting your meds, and I have often thought of you hoping that the results were still going positively. I know you have written a lot since I have been away, so I will have to come by and catch up. I am really looking forward to it. Take care of you and we’ll talk soon.
      -Cindy

  3. Glad your back, sorry about the depression, I too have been very depressed lately and unemployed, I think maybe they go hand in hand especially for intelligent women trying to change their life. Hang in there, hope you feel better soon.

    • Hi Katrina!
      Yes, I agree. The unsuccessful, thus far, job hunting is a huge source of my depression. I will keep looking and not give up because I do want to feel better. I will keep my fingers crossed for you too. There has to be some job, somewhere, for both of us. I will keep you posted and hope you will do the same.
      -Cindy

    • Much needed hugs! Thank you. I will be doing a lot of taking care of me, especially when the sun reaches a little higher temperature. I will be doing a little exercising also, which will be fun. I have missed going for walks of 5-7 miles and will be adding bike riding. Writing in my blog has done wonders for me and I am hoping it will agian. =)
      -Cindy

  4. I am so glad you’re back. I too have been checking and wondering what up? I appreciate your honest glance back at your past. Everybody fucks up. Someone out there is going to see YOU and it’s going to be fantastic. I wish I could say something less sappy. But keep hoping and keep putting yourself out there! Many hugs, many happy thoughts coming at you from me!

    • Awww, I like you when you’re sappy. =) Yes, I am back, and am pleasantly surprised by those of you who have missed me. Makes me feel so good. Ok, sappy aside, I am sending hugs right back at ya! Keep checking because I will be doing a lot of writing to make up for the whole month that I didn’t. =) Got some reading to do as well so look for me on your blog too. Talk soon!
      -Cindy

  5. I have been checking your blog forever girl! I am glad that you are still there lol. I am glad you made it through school another semester. How is home life? Are you getting treatment for the depression? I just have been worried. Again it is so good to see you blog again! hugs

    • Thank you for the hugs! Hugs are the best, real or imagined, and I always love a sincere hug. Yes, another semester down, possibly on the Dean’s list, we’ll soon see. Home life is fine, but would be much better if I had a job. Hmmm… Treatment? I do take meds, but do not currently have insurance to pursue therapy. I hope that changes soon also. I will keep you posted. Again, thank you for looking out for me! It really means a lot!
      -Cindy

    • Thank you! I have been away from my blog for awhile, but once I get back into the swing of writing and posting, you will learn plenty. =) I have not been to your blog yet, but will very soon!
      -Cindy

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