I am very honored, pleased, and excited to present to you the next Reflection of Recovery by a guest blogger from Rockdweller’s Blog. Who is she? Allow me to introduce her as she has introduced herself on her blog, as I believe it says it all
“I do not want to be the Rockdweller any longer. The creature at the bottom of the river, clinging tightly to the rocks. Resisting the current, fearing the unknown.
No, I wish to let go – to become the Riversurfer. To surf the currents of the river, wherever it takes me.”
Riversurfer’s sobriety date is December 13, 2011, so as of today, she now has 151 days sober! Though she wrote this post four months ago, she is continuing to succeed in sobriety, and, by the way, the job interview mentioned was very successful. Riversurfer is very bright, very insightful, and her journey of recovery is strong and true.
This story is but a blink of her recovery and I encourage you to check out the rest of her blog! You will laugh and you will cry, you will feel inspired, you will feel grateful, and you will shout Hurray! And if you really take the time to pay attention to the words she writes, you will find that she is both a very unique individual and very much like you and me. I have personally gotten a lot out of her blog, and, as a matter of fact, this is the second time this week that I have reposted something she has published. Read on and be blessed…be encouraged!
Forty-one days sober and I have been blessed with a few days in a row, completely disburdened from any thoughts of drinking. Living is the key, simple as that.
When I stopped drinking it was with this crazy and wild idea that I wished to live life to its fullest. No more hiding, no more running away, no more cowardice. And with my mind and heart set on this LIVING mode it is as if I had opened a door, and I must tell you that there is a constant flow of life in and out through this door. By life I mean—thoughts, emotions, occurrences, interactions, relations, senses, advancement, reflection, appreciation, and oh, so much, much more. Sometimes life flows gently, sometimes a whole tsunami surges in or out. And yes, I have been tempted to quickly slam shut that door, only for some peace and quiet. But the peace and quiet in the mind of this alcoholic means to run away and to hide from life. To be completely alone… Would I have given in to the temptation of closing the door, the next step would have been to seek out my old friend, the wine bottle. Because, I really do not wish to remain alone.
Where I stand today, at last with a little distance to the alcohol – I can look back at my life with drinking and take a good look at the present. And I am so thankful to be able to tell that there is a gigantic difference between now and then!
And that was one of my greatest intentions when I became sober (and always will be), to make big changes in my life. I don’t mean on the material level, everything remains basically the same on that plane. No, the changes that are to be made are all regarding my body, brain, and soul. And so determined have I been that I can see that change has begun, and for that am I immensely grateful. I am more willing than I have ever been before, to carry this through. To maintain my sobriety.
Would I have not become sober, then I would not have had the meetings and conversations that I have had with friends and so many other people. These meetings have been very insightful and meaningful and I have not brushed them off, so that I could quickly move on home to the wine that was awaiting. Instead, these meetings have helped me keep my mind and heart open. Would I have not been sober, I am sure I would not had been asked to come back on a third job interview to that same place, next time to meet the people who might just become my future colleagues. Would I have not been sober then I wouldn’t have stopped in the hallway when I come home, to cuddle my welcoming cats, who only want tender love and care. Now I love them to bits and then I take my shoes and coat off to enter the apartment. Previously in my life with drinking, I’d step over my cats, as I take off my backpack to get the wine out. Quickly I’d need to pour up a glass and have a gulp. Then I’d return to the hallway to take shoes and the coat off. But my cats would’ve been forgotten, as I wouldn’t have any minutes to spare for them. Minutes were very precious and sadly all dedicated to alcohol.
When I was drinking, Sundays caused me great anxiety , knowing that tomorrow I must, yet again, take care of all my duties. A job interview would only be another pressure, a lump in my tummy, another reason to drink. Oh… I don’t even want to think of the prison that I lived in 41 days ago; it makes me sick, makes me want to weep, it hurts and it makes me feel so dirty. What have I done to myself!?
Being where I am right now, safe and sober, gives me courage to return to those days and sense that horrible life that once was. To remember… today is light compared to yesterday’s darkness. And in comparison to yesterday, today seems brighter than ever before. I have peace in my soul and I am truthfully relaxed. I have cuddled my two boys to sleep and I listen to their soft breathing. I’m enjoying a delicious cup of green tea with honey and my body, brain, and soul are not influenced by any alcohol—only purely by life itself. Bliss.
If anyone has a reflection from their own recovery and would like to be featured as a guest blogger on my blog, please let me know. I would really like there to be a variety of experiences that others who are recovering from addiction can draw hope and strength from.
- Reflection of a Recovering Guest Blogger, #1 (onemindmanydetours.wordpress.com)