Just Me, #14

(Remember, when I post Just Me, the picture I choose to post with it is something I like or that tells you something more about me. This is on my wish list!)

Good Evening Friends, Family, Fans, and Followers,

Another week gone by and now half of my precious two days off. I am very happy to be working, but it is exhausting work, truly. Today, I slept in until 8 AM only to wake up and discover that I had started my monthly cycle—the one thing in life that I completely loathe! I am so looking forward to menopause and it could not get here soon enough. Ok, I know, TMI.

Mary and I left around 9 o’clock to go to a moving sale. She got a couple of nice things and I also bought a few dime and quarter items, but it was not at all like I had expected. So, we decided we would go to a few more yard sales. We stopped by the house to unload the car and Cherie and Steven decided to join us. We went to a multi-family garage sale and it was a bit better. Everyone of us walked away with some new little treasure.

My treasure was a St. Anthony charm on a chain. St. Anthony is the patron saint of lost and found. I am not sure if any part of what I just typed should have been capitalized, as I am not Catholic, but all of my roommates have been raised Catholic and at their urging, I have called upon St. Anthony several times when something priceless or irreplaceable has been lost, and I am happy to say, he has not failed me yet. Too many great items and not enough cash rendered our journey a short one. However, just before our last stop, we stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts and had a very sweet treat, so that made it the best haul of the day!

When we returned home, we let Tallulah run out in the yard without her leash; a first since we got her a week and two days ago. We threw a ball for her for quite some time and were very pleased with the fact that she could be outside, could play in the yard, and could be trusted without a leash. But then a high school boy walked by and she gave chase. Tallulah has been through obedience school and usually comes, sits, and even pees on command, but this time, she failed to come as instructed. The kid was smart and just stomped his foot at her, which she backed away from, but once he started walking again, she would again chase him, barking wildly. I kept giving the command to come, but she would not heed.

My heart was pounding out of my chest. I had no idea what she was capable of. I finally got a hold of her collar and led her back into the house. Will she never be able to run freely in our very large yard and adjacent property? Will she have to go through more aggressive training? I don’t know, but for now, whenever we leave the confines of the house, she must be on a leash.

I also learned today that my Pappy has had a heart attack and is in the hospital. Apparently this happened a couple of days ago and tentatively he was to leave the hospital today and return home, but we haven’t heard the confirmation on that. I cried when I found out. I was taken aback a little at how very upset I was at the thought of possibly losing my Pappy. My aunt, and Pappy’s youngest of two daughters died when she was 25 in a horrible alcohol-related car crash. My Memaw died about a year later. Pappy has since remarried to Frances, a very lovely, kind, and caring woman who takes very good care of my Pappy. Pappy and Frances have been married 15-ish years—I believe. My mother, and Pappy’s only remaining child died three years ago this coming August. Too many deaths and it feels unfair. I do not want to lose my Pappy! Not yet. Tears are again rolling down my face. For now, I will remain most grateful that he has made it through and is going home. I will call him tomorrow and let him hear my voice telling him how much I love him.

I received an email a couple of days ago saying that adjustments had been made to my financial aid. Long story short (meaning I will not go through all I went through to try and find out exactly what that means), not only is there a cap on Pell Grants, but apparently there is also a limit to the amount of loans an undergraduate can take out. What I found out was that I am nearing that limit. What I have been unable to establish is, is this “nearing” before or after this year’s aid? Will I or will I not be able to continue with my classes this fall? If I can go this one more year, I will spend the entire year applying for any and all scholarships so that beyond this year, I will be able to continue until I am finished and have reached my educational goals. On the other hand, if I am not able to go this year, I will still pursue the scholarships, as I will not give up—I will finish one way or the other—but the snag will be that once I stop being enrolled for at least half-time, my grace period begins for the loans I have already accumulated. The bottom line of that is that within six months of the end of last semester, which occurred two months ago, I will have to begin paying back my loans. This also means that I only have four months remaining of my grace period. My estimated monthly payment will be in the neighborhood of about $400-$500. OUCH! Woe is me. Again, I ask you all to please keep your fingers crossed that I will indeed have one more year of aid.

As I have mentioned, I wanted to be able to fly my youngest son, Zachariah, out here for a visit before the end of summer. If I do end up gong to school in the fall, my books, and these are at Amazon’s lowest offered prices, will cost me $450 out-of-pocket. This means I cannot afford to fly Zachariah out. If I do not end up in school in August, I will fly him out right away because once my loan payments begin, it will be quite some time before I can afford to have him for a visit again. I guess I will have to wait until Monday when I can call the financial advisor at the main campus and find out where I stand. Either way, I win some and I lose some.

Whew! That is quite a load of very depressing news, but you know what? I have been through much worse. I have survived, conquered, and overcome so many worse things in my life and I have learned a lot, grown quite nicely, and am developing strength that even, at times, surprises me. I also love my life and love so many things about my life. These things, all of them, too shall pass, and in the end, I will stand a little taller and a lot stronger. So, as Jo Dee Messina would sing, bring on the rain!

I have rambled on long enough. Before writing this post, I posted some more of my drawings that I found among my things. I will now post this and then it will be time for me to go to bed and get some sleep. I am mentally, emotionally, and physically tired and drained. Once I have gotten the rest I need, I will awake in the morning and once I pour my second cup of coffee, I will begin working on the third part of Cherie’s story. If you have not read the first two parts, please do so. If you read nothing else on my blog at all, I beseech you to read Part 1 and Part 2 and return for the remaining parts of her story. It will touch you, outrage you, make you laugh, cry, cheer, and see things in a whole new perspective. If you are not encouraged and inspired by the story’s end, I would very much like to hear from you.

Thank you, all of you, for reading, commenting, liking, and supporting my blog and the blogs of others. Thank you also for writing, creating art, taking fantastic photos and posting a large variety of music. I love sharing with you and really enjoy all that you have to share with me. Have a fabulous weekend!

-Cindy

 

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2 responses to “Just Me, #14

  1. Oh Cindy … i really honed in on the St. Anthony charm. Hmmm, i wonder why (oh lost mel). Sorry about Pappy, i’m glad he has a good woman. It is VERY upsetting to hear about “more death”. You have had way too much experience in that department and it is so unfair. And it is life. … speaking of ways to cope … spiritual endeavors are always in my face: To be or not to be. I wish i could grab some sort of clear-cut belief. My higher power is in charge, but sometimes i take the ball back and don’t want to share. Anyway … i need to catch up on my inspirational people/stories: Cherie comes to mind. Strength in recovery! Love you, Melissa

  2. Came across you from a recent ‘Like’ on Learning from Dogs. So thanks for that ‘Like’ and for the resulting connection between us. How’s your father? Getting over the attack, I hope.

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